Birthday parties never ends well
by Memory-taker
Summary: It's Kagura's b-day but everything that could goes wrong. Basically OkiKagu fanfic but main action will start at the second or third chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Kagura was sitting on a bench with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head down. It was already late and she knew that if she stays out any longer Gin-chan and Shinpachi will probably be worried. Arghhh screw that! She didn't mind them at all! It was her birthday (she was already seventeen!) but they didn't even gave her wishes, not to mention about presents. She thought that the day when she turns eighteen will be special. There will be party, presents, smiling people and, the most important, a lot of food! Tons of cakes, cupcakes, parfaits, sweets, snacks and SUKONBU! But reality was none like this, in fact it was totally opposite of it: no party, no wishes, no presents, no food, nothing! Tears gathered in her eyes. How could they forget about her birthday?! Did they not care about her at all?! This sucked. She sniffed and wiped her tears away. She's not going to cry! Not a chance!

She was going to stand up when she heard a very familiar voice

"What is it China, it's rare for you to be all upset and gloomy? Did that stupid guys of yours finally abandon you?" Okita Sougo, captain of the first division shinsengumui said mockingly

"Fuck off, you sadist" she really was not in a mood to talk to that stupid asshole, who was always insulting her "unless you want to die by my hands, you fucking bastard, uh-huh!"

"Ow, China, that's harsh" he clucked "You hurt innocent officer's feelings!"

"Ha! I can't see anybody like that here!" she replied "There's only a stupid sadistic freak in front of me! Move over, I want to go home" _as far as possible from you_, she added in mind

"Why? We just met and you're already leaving ? That's really rude from you" he deadpanned to her

She felt like ripping something apart. She was in a bad mood to begin with and now this sadist is trying to piss her off even more. She really hated him.

"I don't mind being rude to you. Go and die already or else I will make you do it" she said furiously

"So try" he demanded when defiant smile appeared on his face

…

"Try what…?" she blinked

"Try to make me go… I bet you can't" he smirked

_What the fuck is he playing with me_, she thought, _oh Kami-sama why of all people I had to run across this sadist?!_

She grabbed her umbrella and pointed it at his throat

"Get the fuck out of my way" she hissed

"What if I say 'no'?" he narrowed his eyes getting ready for the battle

She pulled the tiger of her umbrella, but he wasn't there anymore. He dodged the bullet and attacked her with his sword. She ducked easily and gave him a kick in stomach. He wasn't ready for such fast counterattack. He curled in pain, that was a lot stronger than her usual kicks. Like she was totally different person.

* * *

Maybe he overdid it a bit. When he saw her sitting on the bench so gloomy and upset about something that he didn't know, he couldn't help but come to her. But then again, why did he do that? He didn't like her at all. He was her rival. So why? Standing there before her and looking how sad she was, he thought of comforting her somehow… Wait! Comforting? What the heck?! He must've hit his head really hard somewhere before. That was China, for Kami-sama's sake, why would he do that? There was no reason for such a thing! He decided to tease her a little, just to entertain himself.

Well he never thought that it will end like this. Lying on the ground and coughing blood while China was long gone. He never thought that this brat was so strong when she was really angry. _What a pain!_ _Why was she so angry anyway?_ He knew that it was mainly his fault but there was something else behind this. Usually she would argue with him and then they would have a fight. Yes, she would be angry, she always was, but that was the other kind of anger, not so serious like today. He'd never admit it, but deep down (so deep that he didn't even know about it) he recognized those fights like friendly and enjoyable ones.

He stood up and flicked the dust from his clothes. He grabbed his katana and went to shinsengumi HQ. If he hurry up he will still be able to kill Hijikata today or at least damage him badly. Thought of killing this mayo-freak made him back to his mood again. Very sadistic mood.

* * *

Kagura was slowly heading back to Yorozuya. Meeting with this sadistic bastard made her feeling even worse than before (though she hardly believed it was even possible). Why was he always pissing her off and making her angry? She really hated him! Why couldn't he just die?! The sooner he disappeared the better it would be. Next time she meets that bastard she surely will smash his head and whip his arms and legs away, uh-huh!

With these dark thoughts and loud crack of the door she entered Yorozuya headquarter.

It was surprisingly quiet (although she could swear that she heard some noise and someone screaming in panic before she came in), but she could feel some strange tension in the air. She slowly walked through the door to their 'main room' and she couldn't believe her eyes.

Gin-chan and Anego standing motionless as if they were fighting just a moment ago, with one of their hands on each other mouth and second raised to punch, behind them Shinpachi covering Kyubei's mouth whose hands were on Gintoki's arms as if she was trying to push him away from Otae. In the back of the room there was Catherin and Otose holding transparent which said 'Happy B-day Kagura!" with their faces twisted in grimace of quarrel. All of them were wearing party hats.

She stared - nobody was moving nor even breathing.

Suddenly out of nowhere Tama, green haired female robot, appeared with big cake in her right hand and with her emotionless robotic voice said

"Happy birthday Kagura-sama" and then smacked the cake at young yato's face

Kagura widened her eyes in shock

"T-t-tama-chan w- what h-h-have you" started Gintoki with trembling voice "just done?" he ended screaming in extremely high and loud voice

"Kagura-chan!" cried Otae with worried face, then she turned to Yorozuya danna and shouted at him "It's all your fault you lazy ass! You better start begging for mercy!"

Her face was so scary at the moment that Gin-chan nearly shit himself. He began to sweat heavily, even if it wasn't his fault at all, that was very bad idea to discuss with brunette right now (or in any other moment). But for his misfortune fearsome Shinpachi's sister was his smallest trouble. The biggest was standing in the doorway with pieces of cake on her face.

Kagura looked from right to left then from left to right and then, to surprise of everyone gathered in the room, she started laughing and crying at the same time

"So you didn't forget! You remembered! I'm soooo glad!" she exclaimed happily

"Eh Kagura-chan… a-are you okay?" asked Shinpachi anxiously

"Of course!" she screamed recovering her good mood "let's party tonight!"

"Huh?!" everybody said in unison

How come she wasn't angry? Mad? Furious? How come she was just HAPPY?!

Kagura didn't even bother to reply to their 'huh?!'. Wasting no time she started eating food that was lying on the small table in the middle of the room.

"Matte! Oi, Kagura-chan! You can't eat everything by yourself!" yelled Shinpachi fully aware of her stomach that was just like a black hole

"Shut up Megane!" she said with mouth full of food "It's my birthday!"

"B-but-" the boy tried to argue but stopped in an instant "Who do you think you're calling MEGANE?!"

"Gin-chan! Shinpachi doesn't allow me to eat!" Kagura complained to her bellowed silver-haired samurai

"Oi, oi Kagura-chan I think you shouldn't eat everything by yourself, because umm…" he paused for a moment trying to find any good reason, except we-want-to-eat-too-reason

"Because you haven't blown the candles yet" Otae suddenly came with help "and you have to make a wish too"

"Wooah! Anego you're so smart!" Kagura said with her eyes shining

"Isn't she!" the gorilla stalker came out of nowhere "Otae please marry m-" he couldn't end because of Otae's and Kyubei's hard punch aimed at his stomach

Everyone looked at him disgusted.

"What are you doing here you gorilla stalker?" Shinpachi asked and frowned

"Yeah! What are you doing at MY party, you stupid tax robber, uh-huh!" Kagura added

"hahaha-ha..!" the gorilla laughed nervously lying in the puddle of his own blood with two women standing above him with murderous look on their faces

"Whatever, whatever just continue blowing candles so we can eat already" Catherine interfered roughly

"Shut up you cat-thief!" Kagura screamed at her

Sudden appearance of shinsengumi's commander really pissed her off because it remained her of a certain sadistic red-eyed bastard who she met before. She clenched her fists.

Gintoki saw it and cleared his throat to speak then up

"Okay everybody, Kagura will now blow the candles!"

He didn't want any fight to begin.

The candles were brought but because cake was destroyed earlier Tama put them in an infamous Otae's dark matter (how did it even got there?!) also known as fried eggs.

Kagura looked down at her substitute dough and couldn't help but frown, Anego's cooking was really terrible. Seventeen colorful lighted candles were sticking from something that was supposed to be eggs.

"Remember about the wish!" someone whispered to her but she was so focused on lethal dish in front of her that she didn't notice who it was

She took a deep breath and blew out the candles thinking _I wish I had a lot of SUKONBU for every day! _But then she thought of something else _I wish my baka onii-chan had been like when we were still small and we had a pretty normal family loving with papi and mami. I wish he cared for me…_ _Oh, and also I wish this stupid sadist wouldn't annoy me so much!_ She didn't know if any of this wishes will come true someday or if it was fine to have three wishes but she decided that she could have even seventeen if she wanted to because there were seventeen candles, however she had no more ideas so she confined herself to the three she already made.

Then everybody started clapping and singing 'Happy Birthday', she was really happy in that moment.

Yeah, she was really happy, unless Otae said

"And now let me slice the cake" she said it with a wide smile but everybody knew that it wasn't the nice one

"W-what cake are you talking about?" asked Gintoki being afraid that he already knew the answer

"This cake" the brunette said confirming his worst fears and pointing to the dark matter

Everyone looked with terrified faces how she was going to slice it in equal pieces. However in the moment when the knife touched the deadly dish something began to sizzle and metal which the knife was made of was corroded and destroyed by the dark matter before she could even cut a single piece of it.

"Ara, ara looks like there will by only one portion, for only one person" she said, Gintoki could swear that he heard a slight hint of joy in her voice "And I think I know who will have the luck to eat it"

Everybody was waiting with the horror on their faces and praying in their minds not to be the 'lucky man' who will have to eat Otae's eggs.

"Gin-s – no" she started but stopped in half suddenly changing her mind and nearly making silver-haired samurai heart attack "Gorilla-stalker-san~" she finally said and came close to the stalker

Commander of the shinsengumi tried to protest but he was already badly damaged and as much as he loved Otae he knew that she hated disobedience and when she was angry she could be really scary woman. She surely would injure him even more and then force him to eat the 'cake'

"Come one, you fucking perverted shitty gorilla stalker eat all your poison- ehem I mean cake!" she sang and with all her brutal force put the dish into his mouth smashing his head to the wall so hard that it made a hole into it.

CRACK!

Everyone looked with a sympathy at the gorilla-stalker who just ate a lot of Otae's dark matter and currently was lying unconscious with his head stack in the wall, everybody knew how dangerous were Otae's eggs and they wouldn't wish eating it even their worst enemy.

There was a long silence before Otae finally spoke

"Well I think I will be going now"

"I'll walk you home" offered Kyubei

"Thanks Kyu-chan!" brunette said happily "It's better to walk together because nowadays there are many perverts on the streets. Goodnight Kagura-chan, Shinpachi, Gintoki you lazy ass"

"Huh?! Did you just call me lazy ass?! Why did you insulted only my?!" natural-perm shouted

"Be grateful that I didn't feed you my potion" she replied

"Did you just call it potion?! You didn't even correct yourself this time! You just admitted that it's lethal! Why are you not denying it?!"

"Goodbye everyone" she said with a smile totally ignoring Gintoki's last statement

Two girls left the room with a loud slam of the door.

"We're going too" said Catherine in her nasty voice and came out with Otose and Tama

And so in the room remained only four persons: Gintoki - still dumbfounded after Otae ignored him, Kagura - digging he, Shinpachi – probably the only normal person, and a gorilla-stalker who passed out some time ago.

"Gin-chan where are my presents?" asked Kagura out of the blue

Gintoki froze._ What the heck was she thinking about all this time, why is she asking about her presents and not about what just happened! This is bad, really bad! I have no presents for her! What to do? What to do?! _

"Gin-chan you're sweating. Is there something wrong?" Young Yato asked innocently  
"N-no Kagura-chan_" think, think, think!_ "Your present you say… then… How about we go and buy you some sukonbu" silver-haired samurai finally managed to say

"Yay! Gin-chan will buy me a lot of sukonbu!" Kagura exclaimed happily, one of her wishes was about to come true

"G-gin-san shouldn't we bring him to the hospital first?" asked Shinpachi uncertainly "He can die here"

"Who cares about this perverted gorilla-stalker?! I want my sukonbu!" Kagura yelled at him

"K-Kagura-chan!" he thought that even if she was eighteen now she still acted like a fourteen-year-old brat who they met four years ago

"What do you want Megane?! Huh!" she said with her gangster voice

"He's right Kagura-chan" Gintoki suddenly said becoming serious "He ate the dark matter we don't know how long he can last"

"Heee..?" Kagura couldn't hide astonishment in her voice, she looked at the man lying under the wall. Well, maybe he needed to go to the hospital, but it was his fault for stalking Anego and coming to her birthday party when he wasn't invited.

She sighed "Okay" she finally said

"Don't worry Kagura-chan we'll buy sukonbu later" said Shinpachi trying to cheer her up a little

"Yoshi! Let's go to the hospital and then buy the sukonbu!" she exclaimed with a lot of enthusiasm and then grabbed unconscious shinsengumi commander and went outside.

* * *

**In the hospital**

Blonde-haired nurse with worried face came to the Yorozuya trio.

"I'm afraid that your friend is in critical condition,"

Three people before her nodded in answer

"…he needs a special treatment"

Nod.

"…which will cost a lot of money"

Nod.

…

"What?!" Three of them screamed in unison

"He needs a special medication which is not available on our planet, bringing it here will be really expensive, not to mention its price" when she met nothing but a silence she continued "We're not sure what caused his current state, the doctor suggested to ask his friends-"

"Oi, oi lady we're not his friends" interrupted Gintoki

"Yeah, who would want to be friends with this gorilla-stalker, uh-huh!" added red-headed Yato

"K-kagura-chan! He's injured!" Megane said

"So what?! It's all becau- " she couldn't end because of Gintoki's hand covering her mouth

"Hahahaha Kagura-chan what are you talking about? We have no idea what might have happen to him! Haha...ha…ha" natural-perm laughed nervously

"So you know nothing about it, don't you?"

Three of them nodded.

"Then I'm going back to-" her speech was interrupted by sudden appearance of two Shinsengumi members

"Kondo-san! What happened to Kondo-san?!" yelled mayora from the doorway

"Shut up Hijikata-san" emotionless voice spoke from behind him

"Hijikata-san, Okita-san! What are you doing here?!" Shinpachi couldn't hide his astonishment

"What are you so surprised about? We came because doctor called us when some three strangers brought our unconscious commander here. Now I see why he was so worried" said Hijikata

"Korra! What are you talking about, you stupid tax-robbers?! You should be thankful to us for bring him here, uh-huh!" Kagura yelled at answer

"Insulting the police, I could arrest you for that China girl" Sougo deadpanned

"Shut up sadist!" she said angrily and attacked captain of the shinsengumi first division

"Well, whatever, we're getting Kondo-san back to HQ" demon vice commander said trying to ignore two fighting brats behind him

"I'm sorry mister, but I'm afraid you can't do it" the nurse said politely "He has to stay here until he totally recovers, we can't risk. Right now he is half-dead, it's miracle that he still breaths"

Hijikata looked at Gintoki and pulled him aside

"Oi, you natural-perm, tell me now what happened to him otherwise I'm going to arrest you for attempted murder of policeman and giving false testimony" he whispered

"He just ate something he shouldn't" Gin said faintly but seeing how Hijikata is pulling out the handcuffs he started talking nervously with very fast speed "Don't blame us. It was his fault that he came on Kagura's birthday. It was his fault that he was stalking Otae all this time. I did nothing! It's like he got poisoned by himself!"

"Like the hell I would believe you, you sugar-freak!" Hijikata exclaimed furiously

"Who are you calling 'sugar-freak', you mayo-freak!" and so they started to fight

There was a great chaos in the hospital at that moment. Kagura and Sougo trying to kill each other, Gin-san and Hijikata fighting, unconscious Kondo nearly dying in hospital bed and blonde-haired nurse arguing lively with doctor.

"OI! COULD YOU PLEASE STOP FIGHTING AND BECOME MORE SERIOUS?! WE'VE GOT A MAN DYING HERE!" Shinpachi yelled with all his might (to be honest, he did it only because it was his sister's dish that caused Kondo's terrible condition and he didn't want her to become murderer who poisoned commander of a shinsengumi)

Everyone looked at him instantly. Two men grabbing their collars released themselves. Nurse and doctor stopped in the middle of their quarrel. Even Kagura sitting on Okita's top with her fist raised to punch froze.

"Thank you" said Shinpachi now more calmly.

"Ekhm… Yeah" doctor coughed "So did you decided already who will pay for this man treatment" he said pointing to the direction where Kondo lay.

"Pay…?" asked Hijikata confused, _shouldn't the treatment be free?!_

"Yes. It actually costs 10 000 000 Yens"

"How much?!" demon vice commander screamed

"You heard it" said Gintoki "Come on, Kagura, Shinpachi let's go already"

"Haiii~!" Kagura sang and stood up "See ya, tax robbers"

"Oi! Matte, China girl! It's your fault that our commander is in that condition. You have to pay!" Hijikata yelled at her

"Huh? Why?!"

"Cuz it was your birthday party in which Kondo got poisoned"

Kagura looked at him with wide eyes. _How did he know?!_

"This perm-head told me" added Hijikata like he was reading her mind "So this is you who have to pay for it"

"No way!" she screamed and kicked him in the head

"Oi, you stupid brat…" he began

"And even if you say so" Shinpachi spoke "she has no money to pay for it"

"Uh-huh! Tell them how poor we are, Shinpachi!" Kagura cheered on him

"Tch." Hijikata spat "I guess there's nothing we can do about-"

"Giving up so easily, Hijikata-san" Sougo suddenly spoke "We can't let her go. If she has no money then she has to earn some"

"Humpf! Easy to say, you stupid sadist! I don't even get payment from Gin-chan!" she cried

"Oh, I think we can do something about it" said Hijikata "From now on you will work for shinsengumi as a charwoman unless you pay off your debt"

"What?!" Kagura screamed at surprise "No fucking way! I've got a work already! Gin-chan Shinpachi tell them!"

Two men who were trying to leave unseen turned around

"Um… sorry Kagura-chan, but… you know…" Shinpachi began

"I think I can give you some… break from Yorozuya work, so you can-" added Gintoki

"Huh?! What are you talking about?!" she interrupted him

"They're saying that they're leaving you to us" deadpanned Sougo

"I didn't ask you, sadist!" she screamed

"Kagura-chan, listen, we have to go now, but we'll be visiting you every day" silver-haired samurai said

"Yeah… Don't worry Kagura-chan" Shinpachi added and the two of them were gone.

…

"So we'll be going now, too" Hijikata said after a moment of silence "Come on Sougo. China girl you're going too"

Kagura speechlessly followed the two shinsengumi men. She couldn't believe that Gin-chan and Shinpachi abandoned her so easily. She couldn't believe that they just left her with those stupid tax-robbers. How long will she have to work there? _What a stupid birthday! _

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Hi mina!  
I'm reaaalllyyyy sorry for all language or grammar errors, I know there are probably a lot of them, but English isn't my native language so please don't kill me for this x.x  
**

**It's my first fanfic so I'm not really sure if it's good.  
I tried to make it more funny but I guess it didn't work T^T  
also I have the impression that all characters are totally OOC **

**I plan to make it more romantic later cuz after all it's OkiKagu fanfic :P**

**Please review and let me know if you like it! **


	2. Chapter 2

Kagura was sitting in the backseat of a shinsengumi police car thinking about possible ways to murder those freaking bastards, Gin-chan, Shinpachi and every other person in this fucked up world. She was imagining how she's going to make them recompense her for what they've done when the car suddenly stopped. To her surprise it wasn't shinsengumi headquarter but her recent house, Yorozuya. What were they doing here? Maybe they thought through it once again and decided that it was bad idea after all to make her do this all you-have-to-pay-off-your-debt stuff. Maybe she didn't have to work for them for only Kami-sama knows how long. Her eyes were shining from hope.

"Oi, what are you so happy about, Yorozuya girl?" demon vice commander spoke startled by a sudden change in her face

"She probably can't wait to be my slave for the rest of her life, Hijikata-san" deadpanned blonde-haired man

"No way! And don't you dare to try your dirty sadistic tricks on me!" Kagura screamed in response, _so they didn't change their minds_¸ she thought sadly

"Dirty tricks, what are you thinking about, China? You think I would try such a thing on a flat-chested brat like you" he responded with his usual emotionless voice

That wasn't really the truth. Kagura imperceptibly changed from a girl with a chest like eleven-years-old boy to a pretty young woman with long orange-pink hair wearing her usual red chinese outfit. Of course her chest wasn't flat anymore, but Sougo would never admit it.

"Korra! What are you talking about?! I'm the prettiest girl you ever met!" she replied confidently

"You've got a high self-esteem, here. Too high for a monstrous, brutal girl like you" he mocked

"Shut up, Sadist!" she was really annoyed at the moment

Sougo opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything Hijikata spoke

"Hey, you two, cut it off right now. China girl, go and get your clothes and all your stuff, we will wait for you in car"

"Okay" she nodded

She was getting out of car when Sougo said:

"Don't try to run away" he warned "We would find you anyway, so it's meaningless"

"Don't make it sound like I'm some kind of offender!" she exclaimed and shut the door.

She headed towards Yorozuya headquarter to get her clothes. She was sure that Gin-chan and Shinpachi were there._ They're surely regretting now what they've done. Uh-huh. Right now they probably are crying and thinking how stupid they were. _

But there was nobody inside. It was all dark and quiet in an empty room of Yorozuya headquarter.

She switched the light and looked around hoping that Gin-chan and Shinpachi would appear before her by some kind of miracle. Unfortunately nothing like that had happened.

She walked slowly towards Gintoki's closet which was her 'room'. And to think that just a few hours ago she was celebrating her seventeenth birthday with her friends in this room. Now it seemed more likely it wasn't hours but months. Why did it turn out like this? Why did she have to move over from here to their frigging headquarter just to work for them? She was going to kill those shinsengumi bastards for spoiling her special day like this!

She packed her clothes to a big, green, old bag and was about to leave when the doors suddenly opened. _Gin-chan, Shinpachi-kun?! Is that you? _But it wasn't any of them, just a blonde-haired officer of the shinsengumi. Red eyed bastard who she hated the most, who was always annoying her and fighting with her, who she was going to live with from now on.

"What are you doing here sadist?" she growled

"I came to find out why it takes you so long to pack yourself" he answered blankly

"Get back to car, I have to do something!" she exclaimed, _Why did he have to come here?! He really pisses me off by only showing his stupid face. And I have to work for him and his colleagues for…argh! I don't even want to think how long! Die, bastard, die!_

"No" he simply said "You're done"

She blinked and stared at him.

"No, I'm not! Get out!" she demanded with her face getting red from anger

In respond he just grabbed her wrist and started pulling her out. She tried to break away from him but it was useless, so instead of this she kicked his shin as hard as she could.

"The hell are you doing, bitch!" Sougo screamed in pain

"Hmpf!" she huffed "That's what you get for trying to kidnap little innocent girls!"

He looked at her blankly and blinked twice.

"What are you talking about? I just tried to bring back what is mine, you little china slave. Besides you're not innocent, to the 'girl's part' I have some doubts too" he said with his usual emotionless voice

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking sadist and don't try to fucking piss me off!" she yelled furiously

"Insulting, already, China? I thought you can do something more than cursing" he deadpanned

"Argghhh!" she roared and rushed at him.

She send her fist out but he dodged it pulling his katana out in an instant. She then threw a kick aimed at his stomach however he wasn't there anymore. With the corner of her eye she saw him standing behind her, rising his sword to strike. She saw the confidence in his red orbs, they were shining evilly. Unfortunately for him she was faster than he thought. She undercut his legs causing him to fall on the ground. But Sougo wasn't a newbie in fighting, he grabbed her collar and pulled her down with him, tearing a piece of her dress. Don't giving a fuck about her devastated clothes (probably not even noticing it) Kagura was sitting on the top of him with her hand raised to a deadly punch and evil grin on her face. She was so sure about the victory that she became reckless. Captain of the shinsengumi first division took advantage of it. He lifted her body up, using his knees and after not even a second passed he was the one on the top. Unluckily before he could make any use of it the door opened with a loud slam and both of them saw Hijikata entering the room.

Demon vice commander froze seeing the two of them in such an ambiguous position. He closed his eyes then opened, closed once again and opened. No, nothing has change. Okita still was sitting on Kagura's top, while her dress was torn apart from her collar to her ribs shoving a piece of a black bra, with his hands clenched on her arms. He coughed, than mumbled something about not disturbing them and went out of Yorozuya headquarter, convincing himself that he didn't saw what he just saw. The two of them stared at him with expressionless faces when he was leaving.

"Oi, what the fuck was that?" Kagura (still unaware of her torn cloth) asked Sougo still looking at the place where Hijikata gone

"Dunno, maybe he got out of mayonnaise and tried to steal some from danna's house" blonde-haired man replied with bored tone

She glanced at him.

"Whatever! Just get off me already!" she shouted at him

She stood up lightly and went through the door. While exiting the room he stopped and looked back at her once more

"Don't forget your clothes" he said while looking at the bag in the corner of the room, which Kagura dropped when fighting him

"You think I'm that stupid to forget the thing I came here for?!" she asked not expecting any answer

The truth was that she actually did forget about the bag lying in the corner of the room, but she couldn't just say to him that he was right. No way in the hell!

"Yep. And one more thing China… Look at your dress…" He said and walked out leaving her boiling from the anger and a tiny bit of embarrassment when she realized how she looked… Wait! How did she feel?! Embarrassed? For what?! Because of this sadist?! No, no, no, that, for sure, was just her imagination. She was angry, really angry. That was her favorite dress! He's going to pay for destroying it! Yeah he sure is!

She pulled out from her bag the first cloth that she grabbed and changed into it. Then she took her things and followed the sadist with clenched fists.

When she got into the car, still annoyed so she slammed the door really loud, she received a strange look from Hijikata.

"What's up Mayora?" she asked roughly "Don't look at me like that. It's gross."

"N-nothing. You changed your clothes" he said firs thing that came to his head, trying to hide the awkwardness of the situation which was sitting between the two persons that were just doing some dirty things inside that China's house. Now to think about it, that was really strange for Sougo to move his lazy ass to check out on somebody or something. So were they in relationship? That sure would explain a lot… In his head there were a lot of questions but the main one was: Just for how long were they going out?! Not that he was interested, but… Wait! If they're together, and they're going to live together… What dirty thoughts can have this sadistic brat sitting next to him right now?! He can't allow for that! They're still too young! He looked at his subordinate. Okita's face was expressionless like always but he knew that he's thinking about something sick right now, he always was.

"Yeah" he heard China saying something to him "I had to because of your stupid colleague right here" she said pointing to Sougo "He destroyed my favorite dress!"

"Huh? I didn't" blonde-haired man protested in his usual deadpan voice "It was your fault for fighting me bitch"

"Who the hell are you calling bitch, you filthy bastard?!" she screamed at him

And so they started to argue once again. Hijikata pressed the gas and headed the car towards shinsengumi headquarter. He was really confused. Shouldn't they act more… romantic if they were a pair? Well, whatever. Right now he just wanted this fucked up day to end.

* * *

It was already late at night when they got to shinsengumi headquarter. Kagura was already sleeping in the backseat and there was no way to wake her up. Shinsengumi tried everything: yelling at her, shaking her, punching her, kicking her, pouring water on her, using food smell to wake her up. Nothing had worked so they finally decided to let her sleep and just carry her up to some room. But which room? There were no free rooms at the moment. Every of them had already two persons in it. Every, except one. The one that belonged to a certain blonde-haired sadist with bloody-red eyes. (For some strange reason nobody wanted to share his room.) That would be very bad idea to put that two in the same room, but Hijikata had no choice. He was already tired and finding any other place that this yato girl could sleep in would cost too much effort.

"What are you talking about, Hijikata-san? We always can put her in a corridor." Sougo said in his bored tone

"No we can't, Sougo" Hijikata explained slowly "She's our guest, so please stop your sadistic impulses and get her into your room. I'm tired"

"Guest? I thought it was a SLAVE" youngster replied innocently

"Tch. Sadistic brat" Hijikata mumbled

"Tch. Die Hijikata-san" Okita mumbled

"Oi! Did you just wished me a death?!"

"You misheard me, you must be tired. Now, go to your eternal sleep"

"No fucking way!" Hijikata screamed at him "Well, nevermind, just get this girl already to your room, you're a couple after all, it shouldn't be a problem, no?" he said more calmly

"Couple? Me and that China girl?!" Sougo said truly surprised

"You are the one, aren't you?" vice commander said uncertainly, remembering the picture of Okita sitting on Kagura with her dress teared apart, now when he thought about this, could it be that they were just fighting? Not doing any perverted stuff?

"No." the answer was short so Hijikata couldn't hear the strange hint of his voice. _So it was the fight after all, huh?_ he thought

"Whatever. Your room is the only one with free bed at the moment" demon vice commander cut off the discussion "If you don't want to sleep in one room with her that badly then we can exchange the rooms for this night. I'm really tired of this shit so make the decision already" he demanded

His subordinate looked at him, then at China and back at him. He sighed and lifted the girl slinging her over his arm like a bag of potatoes.

"No need for it" he said and headed towards his room, he was tired too.

* * *

**Hi, everybody! ^.^**

**I know that this chapter is shorter than before and I'm really sorry for this. **

**I don't know how many language errors I've made this time, but I bet a lot. So sorry for them too. ;-;**

**At first i wanted to make the second chapter action already at shinsengumi HQ but I though that I'll write this instead.**

**Hope you enjoyed it! **

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

When Okita woke up it was already half past twelve and the first thing he saw was a bunch of orange hair with a hue of pink and Kagura's sleeping face right next to his. Her arms and legs wrapped around his body.

"What the…" he started while trying to get out of her iron grip

However when he thought about it again he found himself admiring that it wasn't so bad – China hugging him at sleep. Maybe it was even quite comfortable… Wait! Comfortable? This monstrous girl? No way!

He tried to focus his thoughts on something else, like killing Hijikata, but somehow he couldn't concentrate and each time was getting back to China who was embracing him at the moment. _Probably she doesn't even know that she is doing such a thing_, he thought sadly. He began to wonder what was she dreaming about when suddenly her grip tightened

"Gin-chan I'm scared…" she mumbled "Lemme go…"

_So she thought that he was 'Gin-chan'. But why was she hugging him in her dream, what was she scared of?_ And what's up with this 'let me go'?! _Maybe she had some dirty dreams with danna in the main role. Maybe she was doing dirty things with him. They were living together after all. _He felt like killing danna at the moment, for no particular reason. He just felt like this, okay? It had nothing to do with China. Nor her dream. He had to remember to put his name on his special list 'people to kill' right next to Hijikata's.

He was thinking about possible ways to slay him (danna) when Kagura suddenly woke up.

When she realized who was the blonde-haired man in front of her she jumped away from him as if she was sunburned.

"What the hell are you doing sadist?!" she yelled still in shock "Polluting little girl's innocence while she's asleep, you perverted bastard?! Uh-huh!"

"Wait a second China. Firstly, you are not innocent. Secondly, it was you hugging me, not the opposite" he said blankly

"No way in the hell! And besides why are you at my room?!" she felt like her face is getting red

"It's not your room, but my" he corrected her "and you're here because of Hijikata's stupid idea" he decided to blame everything on this mayo-lover. Hey, but he wasn't really missing the truth, was he?

"Humpf! Whatever" Kagura said "just don't touch me anymore"

_Ouch! That was painful. She doesn't want me to touch her?_ Okita smirked. _Okay then_, he thought and hugged as hard as he could.

"Wha-!" she screamed astonished, at first second not knowing what to do.

When the first shock passed away she kicked him in his balls with her face twisted in an awful grimace

"I told you not to touch me anymore!" she shouted at him and ran from the room

Sougo still surprised by her actions lay on the ground. The first pain passed away but he didn't feel like standing up and going anywhere.

* * *

Kagura went through the corridor not looking were she was actually going. She had no idea why she was sleeping at this sadist's room. Not to mention that when she woke up he was soooo close and she was- Argghh! She didn't want to think about it! It would only make her more angry. She had to find this mayo-freak and ask him why the hell he let her sleep with this bastard in one room.

There was only one problem; she had no idea where she was and how to find him. She thought that if she follow the corridor eventually she'll find someone to tell her how to find this goddamned mayo-lover.

She wasn't mistaken. Not long time passed when she saw someone in shinsengumi suit coming from the opposite direction. Tall brown-haired boy, probably about twenty, with warm eyes in the color of chocolate. He looked like he was in a hurry but she didn't care.

"Oi, you there! Where is this mayo-freak Hijikata?" she asked roughly

She didn't intend to be unpleasant but somehow she wasn't in a mood to a happy, friendly chit-chat.

"Y-you mean Hijikata fuku taichou?" the boy asked uncertainly

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Just tell me where he is!" she demanded

"Hmm… Probably in his office" came the answer

"And where is his office?" she was really pissed off because of this 'morning accident' and this dumb answer irritated her even more. Ugh! _Why was I doing such a thing like hugging him?!_ She remembered her dream. There was Kamui and her papi and they were fighting again, like when she was younger, they tried to kill each other. She shivered, even if it was just a dream. And then there were Gin-chan and Shinpachi too, they were holding her to prevent her interruption in the fight; she could do nothing but look how her family is annihilating itself. She was scared but in the same time she wanted to do something. Then this baka oniichan of her finally managed to give papi death-blow and was coming in their direction. She was paralyzed with fear now. His usual smiling face was even more scaring than usually, but when he came close to her his smile gone away. 'Die weakling, there's no need for you' he said and swung his fist- and then the dream disappear.

"…So that's where you have to go to find vice commander's office" brown-haired boy finished a very long explanation about how to reach vice commander's office.

_Huh?! How come he_ _ended it already?! I wasn't listening at all! Argghh- Stupid dream!_

"I'm not sure if I can find the way, could you go with me? Pleaaaseee…" Kagura asked politely

"You know" the boy started 'I'm in a rush cuz I'm already late for practice… and…" he paused looking at Kagura's puppy eyes, he sighed "…okay" he finally said

"Yay!" young yato shouted happily

Brown-haired boy smiled faintly. _She's kinda cute_, he thought

"I'm Kagura" the girl said

"I'm Kouhei"

Then he walked her to Hijikata's office, they were talking about everything and nothing at all. Kouhei was enjoying it a lot and Kagura's mood was back again that she completely forgot about her dream and why she was even looking for this mayonnaise lover. Yeah, she was feeling really good, unless they finally approached Hijikata's office and saw him talking to some blonde bastard with red orbs and sadistic smirk on his face. Kagura stopped and clenched her fists, her eyes were burning from anger and hatred towards this sadist over there.

"What's up, Kagura?" the boy asked worriedly

She didn't answer and went stiffly towards two men before.

"Oi, you mayo-freak" she said approaching him "Could you tell me why the hell was I sleeping in one room with this sadistic jerk?"

Both of them looked at her, Sougo with his usual expressionless face and Hijikata with a dumb look like she'd said that cows started to fly.

"Huh?" he said "What are you-" he couldn't end because Kagura interrupted him angrily

"Don't try to pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about!" she shouted at him

Hijikata was looking at her for a moment when suddenly his face changed like he had some revelation

"Aah… You talkin about this…" he mumbled "Ymm… Yeah… you know, that was the only free room, and…" he tried to explain her this and not making her any more angry by the way. He was fully aware of her abnormal strength and that if she gets angry she can destroy shinsengumi headquarter in a blink of an eye. Not that he went well in it. Kgura was shouting at him and insulting the sadistic brat next to him.

Kouhei was looking at this scene with widened eyes and his mouth open. This little, inconspicuous, cute girl was actually yelling at his superiors like it was nothing. They were quarreling and cursing each other and yet, she wasn't afraid of them. Not even a bit! Just who the hell she was?!

He was thinking about how ridiculous this situation was when suddenly the quarrelling trio looked at him and became silent for a moment

"Oi, you! What are you doing here?" asked him Okita

"I… Um… I came with this girl because she was looking for Hijikata fuku taichou and um…" he stammered

"Huh?" both men frowned

"Shouldn't you be on your practice?!" Hijikata said with his demonic face, his voice wasn't presaging any good

_Oh crap!_ He totally forgot about it!

"I-I'm really sorry fuku taichou!" he screamed in panic "This will never happen again!"

"Yeah, I know. This will not happen again cuz I'll make you commit seppuku!" black-haired man yelled at him

"Korra! You stupid mayo-lover, it wasn't his fault, don't you dare to kill him!" Kagura came to his defense "I'll not allow you!"

"Hijikata-san, this one time she's right" Sougo unexpectedly agreed with her "The one who should commit seppuku is this China girl" he added pointing at Kagura "Don't worry I'll be your attendant, girl"

"Whoa-! What are you talking about, you sadistic bastard!" she shouted "I'm gonna kill you!"

With this she threw her fist at him but he was ready for this. He grabbed her hand and when she tried to punch him with the one that was still free he just did the same. They stayed in a close quarters glaring and growling at each other.

"Oi, you two! Cut it off, otherwise I'll make the two you commit seppuku" Hijikata screamed at them trying to stop two youngsters before they had a chance to do anything more and probably damage the entire headquarter. However this didn't work out as well as he was expecting.

"Shut up, mayo-freak!" Kagura growled at him trying to kick Okita who dodged it and finally let go of her "Is committing seppuku your only threat?! Gin-chan said that I shouldn't trust the police. Uh-huh!"

"Die Hijikata-san" added Sougo unsheathing his katana and rushing at Kagura who just jumped over it and was raising her fist to hit him heavily.

"What the fuck?! This has nothing to do about this! And did you just told me to die?!"

"What are you talking about, Hijikata-san? You had to mishear me" deadpanned blonde-haired man still fighting China "Die, bastard, die!"

"Oi! You did it again!" he yelled but no one was listening him.

Kagura and Okita were too caught up in a struggle and they didn't give a fuck about him. Kouhei was already far away. He used the opportunity to run away from two scary as hell men and one monstrous girl unseen a long time ago.

Hijikata sighed and turned back leaving the two of them fighting, he was hungry and he needed some mayonnaise to get rid of this strange feeling that he really shouldn't hire this Yorozuya girl as their home help (even in if it was in case of nearly dead Kondo). It was more possibly that she will actually destroy the whole place than help at anything.

* * *

Kagura was being pinned by Okita to the wall and was about to kick him in his stomach when she realized that they were alone. Kouhei-kun and this mayo-bastard gone to somewhere without her realizing it.

"Huh? What's up, China?" Sougo spoke seeing as she stopped fighting "Did you finally became an M?"

"Huh? No way!" she screamed at him after a moment when it eventually reached her what he meant

"So why are you doing nothing?" he provoked her, he really liked it when she was pissed off, like she was a little animal to play with that was so easy to manipulate "Maybe you're actually enjoying me beating the crap out of you"

"Who is beating who?!" she yelled "You're the one who's always being defeat!"

He tightened his grip and exclaimed to her really slowly with sadistic smirk on his face

"You say that even if you are now reliant at my mercy. I think I should give you a lesson China" he pushed his body closer

Her eyes were widened from astonishment. _Lesson?! What the fuck was he doing?! Did she hit him so hard that he actually gone crazy and his sadistic instincts took over him? No, he was surely toying with her and she didn't like it. Not even a bit. Uh-huh! I'm going to kill him for treating me like some stupid M freak!_ She thought really pissed off.

"Fuck off Sadist" she said furiously "I just got distracted cuz Kouhei and this mayo-freak were suddenly gone"

"Oh" he said and turned his head around to see if she was telling the truth.

Yep. She was. No one was there. Just the two of them.

Then he felt a wave of pain spilled through his body from his crotch. He hissed and curled up in agony. Well she surely knew how to make use of the situation

"Oh, getting careless with age, aren't you Sadist? What's up you shouldn't be so incautious in front of enemy. Tsk, I guess you're really weak" Kagura mocked him as he crawled on the ground before her, she couldn't let out such an occasion

She gave him victorious smile.

"You bitch" he hissed

This was the worst kind of pain in the whole world – to be kicked in the crotch, really the worst. He's going to make her pay for this. 'Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth' and because this was China who kicked him he was going to make her pay a lot more than just eye or tooth or even life. There were things worse than death and one of this things was getting him mad. She will regret this. After all, he was a sadist, no?

* * *

She was walking through the corridor to- Well, she didn't actually know where, but anywhere was better than staying with this sadistic freak. Really. Anywhere. Lately he was being in her mind much too often like for the sadist who he was and it was really annoying and disturbing. She shook her head to do away with this thoughts of him. _Don't think about him, Kagura!_ She said to herself in her mind.

While she was walking and trying to focus on some things that weren't blonde-haired shinsengumi officer she felt some really good smell coming from not so far away. She followed it and in the end she found a lunchroom. This could mean only one thing: FOOD! And when she only thought about it she realized how hungry she was. And she was very hungry like she hadn't eaten for years (in fact she ate something yesterday evening but it was really long time for her yato stomach). Like for confirmation of this her stomach rumbled.

She came inside shinsengumi lunchroom and saw rows of square tables with men from age about twenty to forty sitting at them. All of them were laughing and chatting with each other, joking and making a lot of noise.

She headed towards the place where the meals were given.

Old lady in the window looked at her surprised but interested

"What are you doing here little girl? You lost?" she asked politely

"Actually yes, but I don't care as long as I can eat something here" Kagura answered grinning

"Hahaha you're a funny girl" the women said to her and smiled too

She was old and quite wizened, or so, but she had nice and warm eyes. Her face was all wrinkled and had two big dark spots on it; one on her left cheek and the other on her forehead above her right eyebrow. Her gray hair were combed in a braid. No one would said that she was beautiful, just an ugly old hag, however there was something in her that made Kagura feel like this old lady was really nice person. Like her aura was saying 'Maybe I'm ugly but I'm kind and good'

"So can I get some food, granny?" girl asked politely and made a puppy eyes "Pleeeaaaseee"

"Of course little girl" old lady said and turned around to bring her the meal; it was curry

Kagura felt saliva gathering in her mouth

"Here you go" granny said and gave her the meal

"Woah-! Thank you, granny! Mhmm… How did you make it so good?" she screamed at her happily already eating curry "Can I get some more?" she asked before the old lady had even a chance to reply her last statement

Old woman blinked and when she saw that her bowl was emptied so fast she laughed.

"You've got some appetite in there, don't you?" she assumed "Wait a moment I'll bring you some makeweight"

Young Yato grinned to an old lady and thought that she was indeed very nice person.

When Kagura finally ended eating, or more appropriate would be to tell that the food eventually ended, she felt really tired and while yawning walked slowly towards her room. But wait! She had no 'her' room. There was only this sadist's room and she had no intention in sleeping there anymore. When she realized that, she was about to turn back immediately and return to the lunchroom and this nice granny. However before she could do it someone bumped at her (cuz it surely wasn't her fault, yeah? She was paying a lot of attention to where she was going. Hmm… maybe not a lot, but who cares about details?). Unfortunately it was the person she actually wanted to avoid the most. Blond-haired shinsengumi officer, captain of the first division squad, Okita Sougo, Sadist. She cursed her luck in mind.

"What are you doing, China?" he asked her with expressionless face

"Not your business!" she answered roughly

"Not my? Don't you forget that I'm your boss now. And boss should know what his little slave is doing" he said with sadistic smirk

"Boss?! Don't make me laugh! I'm not working for you only for Gin-ch-" she stopped remembering suddenly about her birthday and poisoned Gorilla-stalker laying in the hospital and waiting for his super expensive treatment and that it was a reason why she was here to work for this tax-robbers. _Crap!_ He really was her boss right now?!

"Oh, I see you remember right now" he said immediately understanding expression on her face "Good. I have some work for you"

Kagura looked at him suspiciously his face was pretty normal – expressionless like always. This surely was nothing good what he was to come about, after all it was Sadist, totally untrustworthy person. She thought of telling him to fuck off or something like that, but then she remembered that if she says 'no' then she probably will have to stay longer here. Longer with this bunch of tax-robbers. But still… she wasn't convinced at all. The idea of doing some job for Sadist was like telling Anego that she wants to eat some of her cooking – really bad. She looked at him once again. He had one of this sadistic smirks on his face.

"What kind of work?" she asked shivering and frowning at the same time

"Nothing much" ha answered blankly "Just need some girl for a special mission"

"What mission? I thought that I'll be doing some kind of housework here"

"Just say 'yes' already, China girl" he was getting irritated

"No." she wasn't going to do any work for him or with him or any work at all that had something to do with the sadist before her.

"Tsk. Whatever you want, brat like you wouldn't be any help at all"

"I'm not any brat! You're one hundred years too young to call me like that, Sadist!" she screamed at him "I'll do this shitty work of yours and I'm pretty sure that I'll be a lot more help than you!"

"You can dream of it, China!" he exclaimed and started walking

"Oi, matte you stupid sadist! I didn't end!" she yelled subconsciously following him "Where do you think you're going?! Listen when lady is talking to you!"

"Huh? What lady are you talking about, China? I can't see anybody like that here" he deadpanned

"Then you must be blind!" she yelled at him

He growled and was about to begin another fight with this monstrous China girl when Hijikata appeared

"Oh, I see you convinced her Sougo" he said "Good, we really needed her and I thought that she will actually never agree after hearing what we want from her but it looks like I was mistaken" he whispered to his subordinate's ear

"Yeah, this is really good" spoke Yamazaki suddenly appearing "Thank you Kagura-san, you're saving my life. I don't want to dress like a woman anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Kagura asked starting to be afraid of her 'mission'

"Huh? You don't know? You're going to be our spy, as a prostitute. The gang that we are currently spying on recently paid for thirteen of those and you're going to infiltrate them as one of the women. Of course if things get hot you can always stop" he explained

"Wha-! Not gonna do that!" she screamed at him

"D-demo… K-Kagura-san, p-please… y-you have t-to" Yamazaki started to stutter

"Yeah his right, you have to do it, no one would want such an ugly woman as Zaki" Hijikata spoke to her

"I'm gonna do all the dirty work and have nothing from this and you will just wait here sittin on your butts?! No way!"

"Hey, who said you will get nothing from that? We will pay you good, so maybe when it ends you can go home, and besides you'll not be alone, we will send our best man with you. He will pretend the new member of the gang and keep watching over you in his disguise"

To be honest Kagura stopped listening after 'you can go home' part and now was shaking her head up and down and saying that she's going to do everything. Just to be free from those stupid tax-robbers as soon as possible. The only thing that counted was that after it ends she can go home, to Yorozuya. And besides she was doubly happy because she will not have to sleep in this sadist's room anymore nor even see his ugly face. She was wondering how good will this be when suddenly two voices' whispering to each other interrupted her thoughts

"It's really good, taichou" Yamazaki said "I never thought she will actually go on a long-term mission with Okita-san"

"Yeah, me too" Hijikata answered "And I never thought that this brat, Sougo, will agree for this"

"Life is strange, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it surely is"

And the two man walked away leaving Kagura stunned.

* * *

**Hi mina! ^^**

**I was wondering recently how is it that when I have a lot of free time and I want to write something I can't come up with any good ideas and when I'm super busy and it's already late at night my head is full of them?! This really sucks!**

**But anyway, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

Kagura was in Okita's room, which was actually for a while her room too, sitting on her temporary bed and thinking about what she was going to do. Tomorrow she's going to become those stupid tax-robber's spy and as a prostitute come to some criminals' base just to gain some informations about the people that they're working for who probably have some connections to joui patriots. What a deep shit! But it wasn't the worst. Being a prostitute and a risk of death if they discover her true identity was nothing compared to spending this whole time with Sadist as a person in which hands lies her own life! Just why in the hell the person that had to go with her was him?! Even this mayora-freak would be better, not much, but still… Trusting Sadist and cooperating with him was like being pushed into the deep black hole full of snakes and when they were about to kill you telling them to make friends with you and have some good times together and don't mind anything at all. It was just fucking impossible. But if she don't do it then she will lost her chance to get out of here before becoming old and wrinkled. Yeah gorilla's treatment was really expensive and her salary as shinsengumi charwoman was really low, not that she did anything to get event 100 yens.

She was fighting the mental battle. From one side there was going on a mission with Sadist and being able to pay her debt of faster and from the other side there was staying here with all this shinsengumi freaks, except Sadist and probably Yamazaki, who would dress as a woman and replace her (poor Yamazaki), for only Kami-sama knows how long. She sighed, it was really hard choice. _Arrgghhh! Screw that!_ She thought _I'm gonna do this, there's still a chance that while the mission sadist will get accidently killed and I'm not gonna overlook this. Uh-huh! _There was the only one thing she forgot about, she had no idea just how long their mission would be. She automatically assumed that it can't be really long so she would withstand this few days with sadist, she never thought that it could last for one, two, maybe even three months like every other shinsengumi mission, nobody informed her about it, worried that if she knew that she wouldn't agree for such a thing. They were right, she would never agree for spending so long time with the Prince of Sadists' Planet. But as long as she was herself she didn't even gave a single thought about it and was holy convinced that it would not take a lot of time, maximally one week.

She was wondering about how it is to be a spy and how to act like a professional prostitute (yep, even if thinking how to be 'a good whore' was strange Kagura was innocent enough not to see its perverted subtext and she was going to do her job well, just to prove sadist that she was better than him and that without her he would screw this mission up) when somebody came in.

"What are you doing here, China?" blond haired man asked walking towards his bed with a wet towel on his naked torso wearing only his slacks. Droplets of water were shining on his skin reflecting the light.

For a moment Kagura couldn't look away from him but when she realized that and all the curiosity within it she quickly turned her head around blushing slightly. What was going on with her?! _It's just sadist for the heaven's sake! _She thought _Why am I acting so… stupid?!_

Her unusual behavior haven't gone unnoticed. Sadistic smirk appeared on Okita's face

"What's up? Why did you not answer my question? Is there something disturbing you from focusing your mind?" he teased her

"No way! Don't get to cocky, you bastard! Who would be distracted by you?!" she screamed at him feeling how her face is getting all red

"Woah! I never said it's because of me, China. Did you finally fall for me?" he was clearly enjoying the situation

"Shut up! There's not even the slightest chance that I would actually do such a thing, as falling for you!" she yelled pointing at him "Rather it would be you to fall for my irresistible beauty!"

"You can dream of it" he exclaimed "Who would fall for such an ugly monster like you? I bet no one will actually believe when you will say that you're one of the whores that were bought by this gang. You have a zero feminine charm in yourself"

"I have a lot of charm! I'm the beautifulest girl you have ever met!"

"The most beautiful, China, not the 'beautifulest'" he corrected with his usual indifferent voice "and certainly you are not the one"

"You want to pick a fight?! I will show you how feminine I am, uh-huh! I'm gonna be the best prostitute on this fucking world" she was talking about their job and only about being in a disguise as a prostitute, not the real one, but she was so pissed off that she didn't realized the ambiguity of her words.

Unfortunately for her Sougo did realized it and took advantage of it.

"Best prostitute, you say?" he started and slowly walked towards her "Do you even know what does it mean?" he was really close to her now and he still wasn't wearing any shirt "Maybe I should teach you about this?"

"W-what are you talking about, you sadistic freak?" she asked a little nervous

"You don't know? Then I will tell you…" he paused for a moment to make it more dramatically and leaned his head closer to her, his right hand grabbed her by the chin, his lips were dangerously close "...Just joking"

She blinked.

"What the fuck was that?!" she screamed at him, her face was entirely red

"Huh? Were you really expecting me to do some dirty things to you? Well sorry for ruining your hopes, but I'm not interested in brats" he mocked

"I'm not a brat and I wasn't hoping for anything" she shouted "Get lost, you fucking sadist!"

"Can't do. I'm too good for it, my fans would crucify Sorachi-sensei and the entire _Sunrise _if that happened" he deadpanned to her

"I don't care! I should kill you long time ago!" she growled and threw a fist at him aiming at his head but he managed to catch it before it could hit him

"You're too weak for that, China" he said releasing her hand from his iron grip.

He exited the room grabbing his shirt along the way and leaving her boiling from anger.

He just had to leave now or he would really show her what 'being a prostitute' means it was really hard to control himself and not to do anything to her when she was talking about such a things as it was nothing. He knew that sending her on this mission was really bad idea however one small part of him was somehow happy of it. What the hell was going on with him?!

* * *

After about twenty minutes of doing nothing Kagura's stomach rumbled and she felt that she is getting hungry. She walked outside the room and headed towards the shinsengumi lunchroom which if she remembered well was not far away and she could find the way with no problem. However she did not remember well so she got lost but eventually after about forty minutes found the place she was looking for. She was now really hungry and it was a big problem for her.

When she finally got there it was all empty and no one was inside. The quietness of this place was awkwardly uncomfortable. She walked to the window in which should be the old granny giving meals.

"Granny, are you here?" she called out but heard nothing but silence in answer. _What the hell was going on?! _

She was about to leave when she heard some munching and saw familiar figure sitting in the darkest corner of the lunchroom, eating mayonnaise with some unidentified food under it.

"Mayora! What are you doing here?" she asked and walked towards demon vice-commander of the shinsengumi

"Hn? Oh, it's you China girl" he said while eating "Shouldn't you be preparing for your job?"

"I'm already best prepared, uh-huh!" she exclaimed sitting beside him "Don't think of me as one of your stupid fellows who are claiming to spend all their time to get 'well prepared for a mission' while they're actually doing watching some porn hidden under their beds. Now, give me some food mayora"

"Huh?! What the fuck was this all about, you did nothing to get prepared and you just wanted some food?!" he shouted "And who told you about dirty things like that?! Do you even know what porn is?!"

"Humpf! Of course I know, Gin-chan told me about everything!"

"I should arrest this lazy shit of a man for demoralizing kids" he murmured

"Don't say such a things about Gin-chan!" she screamed "and give me some food, already!"

There was a long silence before Hijikata spoke

"Tsk. I guess I have no choice then" he said and gave her the bowl full of mayonnaise "Here's your food China girl, no need for you to give me thanks" he said with a stupid smile

…

"What is this?" she deadpanned "You want to poison me with this hideous food, you mayo-freak?" with this statement her face got darker

"Don't insult the mayonnaise!" he screamed at her trying to ignore the dark aura behind her "Good, if you don't want it, there will be more for me. Honestly you're just like Sougo" he muttered to himself

Unfortunately for him Kagura heard that and her aura become even scarier, like the gates of hell has opened and were trying to annihilate every piece of light in this room and suck in Hijikata's soul. He shivered.

"Don't. Compare. Me. To. This. Sadist" she said like every word was a separate sentence "I'm one hundred times better than him! Uh-huh!" she yelled furiously "Humpf! I'm leaving! You should get poisoned by eating this mayonnaise already!" she added and got out of the room.

Her footsteps echoed in the quiet area. Hijikata was sitting thrilled with a spoon of mayonnaise in his mouth frozen. _She really is like Sougo, _he thought and continued eating.

* * *

About thirty minutes later Kagura got back to her room (yep, she got lost on her way back too). She opened the door and froze in threshold with a mixture of disgust and horror on her face. There she was, standing before Sadist who was wearing his usual expressionless mask and brown-haired girl, only in her underwear (which was actually bright red and sexy), who was sitting on his lap and claiming to him. He himself looked like he didn't give a fuck about this girl but she instead was looking at him with adoration in her eyes. Kagura saw a whip and a dog collar lying next to them. She knew well from Gin-chan and some shoujo manga that she read what it meant when man and women were alone only in their underwear (though Sadist was fully clothed), however she couldn't believe that someone could actually want to do _it _with him. It was gross.

"Sorry for interrupting you" she said with a hollow voice, she totally forgot that it was his room too. She turned around and closed the door still in shock.

She was feeling strange. She was slightly angry but she didn't know at who. At Sadist? At this girl? Or at herself? The answer was surly: Sadist. She convinced herself. There was no way for her to be angry at this poor insane girl, who by her own will (or no) revealed herself for the mercy of this Sadist. She probably was brainwashed or something so she didn't know what she's doing. And why the hell should she be angry at herself?! For what? For coming inside the room in such a moment? For thinking about what she saw there? No way! Why was she even thinking about it, anyway? It was none of her business, she didn't care about Sadist and his sadistic relationships with some brainwashed M girls (cuz there was no other explanation for this situation, no normal girl would do such a thing with him). Somehow this situation really pissed her off. But when she thought about it again, why was she even angry at him? She didn't care about what was he doing and with who he was doing this. This was just ridiculous? Why couldn't she forgot about what she saw? Why was the picture of Sadist with other girl still in her mind? And why was she feeling irritated because of it? This didn't make any sense! Spending so much time with those tax-robbers was really bad for her mind.

Suddenly she realized that she's still standing before the door to her and Sadist's room. She was about to walk away from there when the door opened.

It was this M girl who was doing dirty things with Sadist. Now she was fully dressed, she wore black mini dress and navy blue jacket. Her eyes were green and her skin was quite pale, but not as pale as Yato's. She was looking a bit angry and frustrated but Kagura didn't know why.

"Oh, you're still here" she said realizing the person before her, the girl's voice was rough. Kagura got an impression that somehow she made her even more angry and she had no idea how did this happen "Why are standing here?! Hurry up and get in, your fucking boyfriend is waiting!"

"Huh?!" Kagura blinked "You mean Sadist?!" she couldn't believe. Did this person just called him her fucking BOYFRIEND?!

"I mean the blond-haired shinsengumi officer with reddish orbs who just a moment ago called me a bitch and told me to go away! And it's all your fault!" she screamed at her with tears gathering in her eyes

_What the fuck was going on?!_ Kagura was in heavy shock. _Was it some kind of joke?! _

"He's not my boyfriend and why the hell it would be my fault that he showed you his real sadistic face?! It's not because of me that he is a motherfucking bastard!" she yelled in response. This crazy, hysterical girl was blaming her for everything, even though she had nothing to do with this!

"Huh? So you are not a pair?" she asked surprised and wiped her tears away

"No! And we never were and never will be! Who the hell told you such a thing!" Kagura exclaimed with all her might

"Oh, no one. It's just- I just thought that you are his girlfriend because of the way he reacted when you appeared. At first he was kind and gentle but then you came in and... and he changed so much… he was so rude and he insulted me… he… he told me that he didn't care about me and that… that I'm just some stupid bitch and…" she started to cry again

Kagura looked stunned at the woman. _She was surely insane_, she decided._ Was it really Sadist who she was talking about, cuz if so he didn't give a mind fuck about her, how could he…? No, he probably was rude from the beginning but the girl just didn't realized it. Yeah, it was surely like that, uh-huh!_

"Well, he said he don't care about me, so I'm leaving" the girl said with slightly trembling voice and passed Kagura heading to the exit.

It took a moment for Kagura to understood what the heck has just happened, but even if she knew it already some facts just didn't make any sense. She walked slowly inside the room.

Sadist was lying on the ground with his red mask on his eyes

"Oi, Sadist, you dead?" Kagura asked and touched his motionless body by her foot.

It was a wrong idea to do it. The hand grabbed her ankle that she lost her balance and fell down.

"Ouch! What the hell was that?!" she screamed

"Hm?" He mumbled while taking off his mask "Oh, it's just you China"

"What do you mean by just me?!" she exclaimed furiously "And why are you so surprised by this?! It's my room too, you know?!"

"Wrong" he deadpanned "It's my and only my room, you are just a guest here, unless you want to sleep with me forever"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" she yelled "It is not my fault that only your room had a free bed in it because nobody wants to share it with you! And I'm not surprised why! Who would want to come in his room and see his roommate playing some S&M games with half naked girl?!"

"Oh, so you have a problem with me playing with girls? Are you jealous China?" he mocked her

"Jealous?! Me?! You wish!"

"Who would wish for such a thing?"

"I bet you're so lonely that you actually paid her for entertaining you" she totally ignored his last statement

"I didn't pay her for this, China" he said blankly "and why are you still talking about this?"

"I'm not talking about anything!" she screamed "It's late. I'm going to bed, goodnight Sadist!" in her voice was so much venom that she clearly didn't wish him any good night "I'm going to do this shitty job of yours from tomorrow and I want to get enough sleep not to act like some zombie-prostitute, so be quiet!"

She closed her eyes and covered herself with a blanket trying to focus on sleeping when she felt someone's body next to her and an arm wrapping around her waist. She opened her eyes suddenly and turned around just to meet this sadist's face only millimeters away from hers.

"What the fuck are you doing here Sadist?! It's my bed" she exclaimed

"I'm practicing" he explained dully

"What?!" she screamed at him and was about to say something about molesting young, innocent girls when he pressed his lips to hers, closing it in a long and deep kiss.

His lips on hers, his arm around her waist, his body pressed really close to her own. Her eyes widened in shock. She felt hot, she couldn't breathe. _What the hell was going on?!_

She jerked away from him and panting heavily she tried to stand up but he was faster then she thought. He locked her in an iron grip and whispered to her ear

"What's up China, wasn't that good?"

She felt her face getting red

"No! Why would it?!" she yelled "Fuck off you perverted Sadist! Let me go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do it" he deadpanned "But I'm doing it for you, you should be grateful"

"Grateful?! For what?! I should be grateful to you because you tried to rape me?!"

"You better get used to it. Cuz you know, from tomorrow you're going to become my own bitch"

"I'm not becoming your bitch! Or any bitch at all! It's just a disguise!"

"And what do you think you'll do there? You should act like a normal whore if you don't want to screw this up. That means you will have to entertain men. How are you going to do it if you're so anxious about one little kiss?" he deadpanned to her hiding all the fucking emotions that he felt when thinking about China entertaining other men. He wasn't even sure why he felt them, but recently he realized that somehow he can't think of China like before anymore and hearing her saying stuff like 'I'll be a prostitute' was just too much for him. He had to do something with this attitude of hers or else who knows what may happen in the future.

"I'm not anxious" she exclaimed "Why should I be?! It's just you, Sadist. Uh-huh!" In fact she tried to convince herself that it was JUST Sadist but she wasn't sure about it anymore. She couldn't focus on anything.

"Ow, that hurts, China. You're breaking poor policeman's heart" he teased her, but in fact he wasn't really missing the truth

"Shut up and let go of me already!"

"What if I say no?"

"Then… I will scream out loud that you're molesting me and you will have to commit seppuku" that was really weak argument but she couldn't come up with anything better

"Do you really want me to die that badly?" he asked half-joking but deep inside hoping for her to say 'no'. However what he actually heard was quite different and a bit painful too

"Yes! How come you didn't get it before, I guess you're really dumb, Sadist"

"If I'm dumb then you have to be brainless" he replied with his usual emotionless voice, he was really good at hiding his feelings, especially when it came to China

"Shut up!" she yelled

"Weren't you tired, China?" he asked changing the topic "Why don't we sleep, then?"

"How am I supposed to sleep with you in my bed?! And what the hell was with this 'we'?!"

"That's not my problem" he said blankly ignoring the last part of her statement and wrapped around her tighter making any moves impossible "Ja, I will be sleeping, now. Sweet dreams China"

"Are you kidding me! Get out! Oi, Sadist, I'm talking to you! Let me go!" she was shouting and yelling at him but he wasn't listening "I know you are not sleeping!"

This was going to be a really long night.

* * *

**Hiii! **

**At first I wanted to thank you all for your comments and for reading this scribble of mine, I never thought that anybody would actually like it so I'm really happy. You give me the strength to keep writing whenever I think that it has no sense at all. Thank you all! I hope you liked this chapter too. **

**In next chapter Kagura and Okita will go on their mission to infiltrate the gang! Hmmm I wonder what will happen to them... though I should know it, it's my fanfic after all. Heh, nevermind**

**Please review! **


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